Warli busts Gender Stereotypes?

We were trying our hand at Warli. We made a family for starters... and Pattu wants to know, "In Warli the men also wear skirts?" 

And while on this topic....

At Nalandaway's Art and Craft Carnival, I found many parents (both moms and dads alike) steering the daughters towards jewelry making and their sons away from it. Consciously or sub-consciously, I don't know. One of the little boys was so fascinated with jewelry making that he insisted on trying it out while his mum was pushing him towards greeting cards and the likes. I couldn't resist the aaarrrggghhh that was building up inside me, so I told the mom (politely only...) that a good number of jewelry designers are men and that it is a very lucrative profession. 

To which she said, 'but it is a waste of time...he cannot wear any of these na'. **Gggrrrrr...the woman didn't get it! ** 

and here's the best part... the little boy said, 'but I'll make bracelet and chain for you amma... see this one is nice..'  **awww so cute it was**

So, they were made by the boy and proudly worn by the mom. She came and showed me...she was beaming! **Gggrrr gone and happy**

So, Parents, leave them kids alone!

Pencil and Crayons

Still Life - Thandu keerai before it was  mashed into pulp.
I was quite happy with the way it turned out... I mean the sketch, though the pulp also turned out well ;)

This Mayil danced when it rained in Chennai - Crayons on wall

Upto something Fishy... Crayons on wall
What's the lone Warli man doing there? Wondering how to catch this fish...

Fragrance of Spring - Crayons on wall

Globalisation

...can be funny at times...

Hyderabad treated us to Punjabi food for lunch and we had Uttappam for breakfast in Delhi!

My craving for Hyderabadi biryani will have to wait for the next time.

Dr. Pattu

Pattu is busy role playing with her doctor set. I am the Patient. Pattu brings a stethoscope, forceps and a bottle of medicine. Putting the stethoscope to my back, she says, 'breathe'. I comply.

Pattu: You have cold, I'll give you syrup. It is sweet only, don't cry, ok.

Amma cries and puts up a fight.

Pattu: No...show aaaa ... be quiet, else I'll call the doctor!

Amma: Oh, but who are you then?

Pattu: I'm the nurse

Amma cries and puts up a fight again

Pattu calls the doctor and Dr. Pattu arrives.

Dr. Pattu: Why are you troubling? Show aaa... it is a sweet medicine only... show

Amma reluctantly shows aaa and Dr. Pattu pulls out a teeth using the forceps.

Amma: Ouch! Why did you do that? You said I only have a cold!

Dr.Pattu: But I had the forceps...that's why. Now I'll put nose drops ok?

Amma is scared and objects.

Dr.Pattu: Looking annoyed.. If you keep troubling, then I'll have to call the plumber!

If Pattu becomes a doctor, god (or the plumber?) save her patients! 

We made it this time...

...to Nalandaway's Art Arattai Aarpattam. Pattu along with her friend A explored all the art and craft activities by Let's do Something - pot painting, pop up cards, finger painting, jewelry making - they made their own bracelet and earrings.

We went back for the Sing along with Jeeva and Krishna Iyer. Awesome! Pattu and A had V as well for company and the three of them were super excited singing and jumping along! LB was just two rows away from us ... I can't tell whether the kids or the parents enjoyed it more.

And this Aarpattam continued all the way back home as well!

Highlight of the evening was V telling the girls, 'ayyo CD odanju pochu' (The CD got stuck) when the girls were stuck on a song trying to recall the next line. LOL! 

CMM Level 4

I realised a few days back how efficient we have become as a team. I mean all of us at home - including the domestic help. I'm brimming with pride - we have almost reached CMM level 4. Let me explain.


While our home is not too dirty or cluttered, it doesn't fall in the 'always sparkling clean' category. If you have magnifying glasses for eyes, you'll find a layer of dust waving at you here and there and you'll hear the walls groan from the scrubbing of Pattu's murals, you might find a stray crayon, peanut, squeaky toy under the cushion, etc, etc. We are also liberated people who will keep things where we want to keep them; not necessarily where they belong by popular opinion - c'mon, what's a home if I can't do as I please.
The unspoken rule however is that, come visitors and we'll get into the teamwork mode. What we used to accomplish in 3 hours, we accomplish in less than 30 mins these days. Process, people, process is the key. I just have to 'blow the whistle' and we all get working like an army of ants.


- MIL will hide the laundry, clear the railing of stray towels and undies, restore doormats to their positions and walk around with a piece of cloth dusting here and there.
- FIL will put on his teeth, dab some talcum powder and excavate used bowls and glasses from under the cot, near the sofa, under the cushion etc and throw them into the sink and he'll switch on all the fans so that the dust on them doesn't show.
- I shove all kitchen clutter under the counter, clear the bathrooms of Pattu's toys and other things that you don't want to know and straighten the sheets (all the way to the floor so that the crocodiles and dinosaurs under the cot are well hidden).
- Hubby dear will clear laptops and such gadgets from dining table, put the wet towels out and shove folded clothes into the nearest cupboard
- Maid will sweep and swab in one efficient swoosh and clear the mess in Pattu's room
- Pattu will 'help' the maid clean up her room, plump the cushions, throw them around and jump on them again till I holler and refrain from causing any further damage.
- And we all put on our best smiles (like it is all so effortless).


What's more, we even categorise the visits.
1. Short visits limited to living, dining, kitchen.
2. Extended visits that can lead to bathroom and bedroom exploration as well
3. Stay over. We take 2 days to prepare for 3 - dusting, scrubbing, rearranging in full swing. For No 3, we actually clean the fans.


MBA project trainees are welcome to analyse and learn from our process efficiency.

Carrot and Stick

Pattu's cousins were coming over. Two days before their arrival I started giving gyan on sharing and being well behaved and all that, Pattu nodding absently.

Amma: So, if there are only 2 candies, you'll give one to A and the other one to C and amma will get one for you later ok?
Pattu: No amma.
Amma: !!?? What?
Pattu: If there are only 2 candies, I'll take one and give the other one to C. A can adjust. It's ok.
Amma: That'll make you a bad girl then...
Pattu: after some thinking... that's ok amma... sometimes I'll be a bad girl... sometimes only, not always..ok?

Silence followed for few minutes.

Pattu: Amma, tell me a story...
Amma: I won't... because you don't share. Bad girl!
Pattu: That is only laaater amma... later only I'll be a bad girl, now I am a good girl. Tell me story now.

Mommy Guilty?

The other day I went shopping and picked up a few (which turned out to be quite a lot actually) clothes for self and Pattu. I did some quick mental math (which involves me spreading out my fingers and toes and at times asking my company to do the same)... anyway, the point is, I realised that it would make an obscene bill. At this point, I commanded the objective, fair judge (in me) to take over and be merciless in throwing out irrational items from the shopping cart. And the objective, fair judge (in me) threw out 2 of the 3 items that I had picked up for Pattu while all my 3 items made it to the billing counter.

My friend gave me a shocked look to suggest, 'a nice, selfless mom, aren't you?'. I actually felt a bit shame shame and all that but I put up a brave face and didn't show it.

There are a few more instances as well: If Pattu and I are both hungry, I gobble down a few mouthfuls (I can gobble down a full meal in a few mouthfuls, especially when I am hungry) before I even think of getting Pattu's food ready (but then I am usually very quick to download my few mouthfuls). A hungry me is not a very pleasant sight. But of course if there's only one plate of food between us, I'll give it to Pattu (expecting Pattu to feel blessed).

That made me wonder, I can't think of one instance where my mom has put herself before her children. And that brings me to the question, am I the only shame shame mom around or have we (as moms) changed? 


Inviting all you moms out there to pour your guilt here. However, considering the popularity of my blog (the lack of it), I think it is a better idea to tag a few of you than leave it so open ended. So, the tag goes to Art, utbt and Vidya (because I think you all are very unlikely candidates to have done something like this). You have to:

1. Write about 2 instances where you have put yourself before your child/ children... been a wee bit selfish.
2. How did you feel? Did you feel a pang of guilt or were you comfortable?
3. Tag 2 more moms (I want to know I have company, you see **EVIL GRIN**)

Motherhood Lessons from Pattu

Hello all you lovely aunties! This is Pattu. You know Uma aunty has tagged amma and amma doesn't have time to do it. So, I decided to take a shot at it.... so here I go...

These are some lessons I taught Amma:

1. I can't look cute when I'm crying. Have you ever tried it? It is tough, let me tell you.
2. Whaddya mean you can't sing? I don't care for the CDs ... I WANT MY AMMA TO SING...no matter how bad you are
3. No matter how well planned I am, Amma always starts digging into her food when I feel the urge to poop. Hullo, you can't blame me - I'm still grappling with all the levers in my body...
4. I can't be adorable all the time... not even to you amma... C'mon, I have to be myself at times...
5. When Amma is unwell, I so want to hug her and be with her all the time. I'm not being clingy! Why don't you understand?
6. Amma, I'm sorry, but I am actually enjoying 'Time outs' - the view of the room from a corner is always interesting. And why do you look like someone punished you? Huh?
7. There's no 'one size fits all' in parenting. I am different ...aren't you different from your friends?
8. WARNING: Comparing notes on my progress can adversely affect your BP.
9. I cannot play the piano at 3 yrs. And I don't intend to. Excuse me, what were you doing when you were 3?! You think ammamma hasn't told me ;)
10. Don't keep telling me about junk food. I know just as you do. Can you exercise restraint? And you've been trying for 30 odd years!
11. You can't tell me to be honest and be angry with me for telling that aunty that I don't like her. Make up your mind.
12. Sure there are some kids who do as they are told. But then, hey, won't you feel insulted if you were given a less difficult  interesting task (me, ahem!)?
13. Honestly amma, there are times when I don't want you. Now, don't give me that 'hurt-ba-lamb' look. I know you aren't going to the hospital every  time - you have fun with your friends.

And can I request my friends Jillu, V, and LG to take up the tag? Their moms have been on a break too...

Sketchy....

...you mean, 'why suddenly'?? Nothing....jusht like that wonly...simbly...

Idle mind at Sea

Still Life - Flowers in Jaadi

Copy from a picture

Copy from a picture

6 cups of tea

to light up your day...

Plain chai, Ginger, cinnamon, chamomile, mint and red bush.... what's your pick?

Evidence of an Artful Vacation

A Multi colour Apple

Donkey from pencil shavings

My Fragile 30-Plus Body - Tag

Apu has tagged me to write about my fragile 30-plus body. I moved to this category long back and have been at the receiving end of a string of threats and advice.

The first thing that I heard as soon as I hit 30 was, "Time is running out, have a child quick". To hear that time is running out at the ripe young age of 30 is scary to say the least. I was told that it is difficult to conceive after 30 and all the more difficult to produce a healthy child and to have a normal delivery. Well, I delivered Pattu when I was 32 and I had a normal delivery.
I'm sure all these were well meant, but again, I think we are focusing on the wrong parameter - it is fitness that counts and not really 'age'.
The next thing I heard was, "Eat less - after 30, it is easy to gain (weight) but difficult to lose". Given my 'un-feminine' appetite I still find this difficult to follow. Again, I think it is more about 'eating carefully' than about eating less/ more and also working out regularly. I know a few women in their late 40-s who are not necessarily slim but have the stamina to last a tough day and still wake up cheerfully the next day. Most of us would probably want a week off after that kind of physical exertion.
However, most of the ads I see harp on losing 'inches' but not gaining 'fitness'.

Like Apu mentioned, there's the skin and hair trouble that one can never be rid of. You take care of your tan and you have black spots, pigmentation, dryness, dull skin, dandruff, damaged hair and what not.
One thing that I have noticed is that my mom's generation had a routine. They had a simple routine but then they were more disciplined than us. For instance, they oiled their hair everyday and had oil massage and a shikakai bath once a week. Most of us do this only once in a while at a parlour, whenever we have the time.

On the other hand, I am quite happy about this 30+ awakening when it comes to the focus on routine gynaecological check ups post 30 yrs. A lot of women discover ovarian cancer and the likes quite late. With the increase in breast cancer, it is better to overemphasise than play things down. Many women are aware of osteoporosis and take precautions.
Those days, after childbirth the women were just expected to be plump,selfless and they seldom had life outside 'family'. It was not even a career for many women, it was just a job. I've seldom seen my mom's generation 'hang-out' with their friends for instance. Thankfully, these have undergone a change.

Summer Fun

Last summer found Pattu either moping or monkeying around since she was too small for summer camps and those that were willing to take her were too far off. This summer, however, has so far been packed and fun-filled and Pattu is having a great time.
She loves the summer camp and this time I managed to take her to a couple of sessions by Storytrails - The Seasons Trail and the Five Senses Trail. On both occasions she had a friend along and they had great fun. Only downside was that the venue was Fab India and I ended up shopping!
She has more friends now and I see her playing better in a group than she did a few months back and I'm glad for that.
We also went to a quieter beach on ECR (beyond Panayur) and got drenched and also collected lots of shells.

Pattu is moving on to a bigger school and she would also be commuting by the school bus. The two weeks in April was smooth - she settled in quite well, liked her class teacher, enjoyed the bus ride and even offered to take care of her friend who is 'smaller' than her (making a note to warn his mom about this). I also heard from the summer camp teacher that she is very protective around him. 

How Would You React? II

I've been off the web for a while - apologies. Since I asked for your opinions, I should have responded earlier. Thank you all for sharing here; Apu - thanks for the prod - much needed :) and thanks IHM for tweeting this :)
And, here I go, without more ado:


1. At an interview to a single woman: When are you getting married? To a married woman: Are you planning a family in the near future?
No matter what, these are personal questions and has nothing to do with ones capability. This is as good as saying married women and pregnant women are not 'employable'! Every employee is bound to serve a notice period giving the organisation enough time to replace the loss. I don't see how this situation is any different.
D, to your comment - What if a male employee moves on to a better job? Attrition is something that any organisation, small or large, will have to cope with. The trend analysis will tell you to expect a certain percentage of attrition every year and the organisation should have plans to tackle it. Moreover, this question assumes that it is always the woman who moves/ quits after marriage - Not so anymore. I see a lot of men moving places/ jobs as they see fit.


2. Two male colleagues discussing the absence of another male colleague:
C1: "He left early (which was well past official timing anyway)... he had to take care of his kid"
C2: Looking surprised, "What does his wife do? Already henpecked is it!" sniggers

and 
4. Male colleague sharing lunch that he had cooked. Another MC - "That's the plight of being married to a working woman"

A lot of men still think that it is sissy to change diapers, feed the toddlers, cook and run errands. So, it is more important to seem 'macho' than to be responsible and useful around your own home. It is as good as saying, "God, forget the brain but don't make me bald"!

PS: I have a feeling many men will resonate with that as well!!

Pooh - the best retort award for No-4 goes to you :D

3. At a ribbon cutting ceremony, a young woman is approached by a male colleague
MC: Making it sound like it is some great honor "We need a young woman like you to greet the chief guest .."(hold a tray and offer the scissors)
The irked young woman refuses and the man turns to another not so young woman in desperation. There are atleast 30 men - young and not so young at the ceremony!

KP, this one is for you.

In absolute terms, no, there's nothing wrong with holding the tray. However, this is not as simple as it seems. Have you ever seen a man holding the tray?

My peeve here is that women are perceived to be ornamental additions to such ceremonies where men hold serious offices. There were so many men at the ceremony - why weren't any of them approached? And how is it honorable for women if the same job is shameful for men?

5. Perception that women who drink/ smoke have 'loose morals'. On many occasions, I've heard comments such as, "She drinks and attends late night parties, so obviously...(men misbehave)"  And almost always it sounds like it is the woman's fault and not the man's.

DesiGirl - LOL!  **Hi-Fi** Best Comment award to you!

I can go on and on about this one but DesiGirl has just about put it in perspective. Quoting her comment here:

" Men drink and smoke DG hasn't seen them being sexually assaulted by women though often by other men. With the given logic, if a woman makes as much money as a man and has same level of education then she should be sexually assaulting drunk men. :)"

Only point where I disagree is - education or money has nothing to do with this. Just that the men have always drawn boundaries around women and if they step out of those boundaries, they are just 'asking for it'. And where are the boundaries for the men??!!

Another observation from KP - sharing it here:


this idea is perpetuated and drilled into the social psyche by movies and TV series. I dont need to tell you the number of times any female villain has been portrayed as a drinking/smoking and partying girl and the minute she is "rectified" she is shown as wearing a saree and bindi and being coy!

How would you react?

Some statements/ situations/ questions that have made me go aarrrgggghhh....

Now, I'm inviting you all to give me your best retorts/ responses to the following aarrrgggghh statements/ questions/ situations... and do share some that you might have come across..

1. At an interview to a single woman: When are you getting married? To a married woman: Are you planning a family in the near future?

2. Two male colleagues discussing the absence of another male colleague:
C1: "He left early (which was well past official timing anyway)... he had to take care of his kid"
C2: Looking surprised, "What does his wife do? Already henpecked is it!" sniggers

3. At a ribbon cutting ceremony, a young woman is approached by a male colleague
MC: Making it sound like it is some great honor "We need a young woman like you to greet the chief guest .."(hold a tray and offer the scissors)
The irked young woman refuses and the man turns to another not so young woman in desperation. There are atleast 30 men - young and not so young at the ceremony!

4. Male colleague sharing lunch that he had cooked. Another MC - "That's the plight of being married to a working woman"

5. Perception that women who drink/ smoke have 'loose morals'. On many occasions, I've heard comments such as, "She drinks and attends late night parties, so obviously...(men misbehave)"  And almost always it sounds like it is the woman's fault and not the man's.

Now, kind readers, how would you react?

Feminspiration

ETA: Asha pointed to Saalumarada Thimmakka whose selfless dedication to planting hundreds of trees and also tending to them is truly inspiring.

Here's my entry for Feminspiration

These are couple of women I met during some of my social research trips. Their faces are etched in my memory and these are among a few women who have taught me a thing or two about life.

I met Ponni during my trip to rural Ooty. She lived alone with her son (an adolescent when I met her). She had a charming, friendly face and readily invited me for a chat. I didn't quite understand the stares and disapproving looks that I got from people till I heard her story.
The usual story - she fell in love with a man, had a child out of wedlock and he left her for an arranged marriage. Ponni came from a poor, dysfunctional family and was turned out of the house since she has brought shame to her family. She was a whore, an outcast. She crumbled and suddenly she was alone in this world that was alien, unfriendly and dangerous. One fine day she just decided to gather herself and make an effort to make the best of the situation. She found a job on a farm that gave her food and shelter. She decided to educate her son for which she had to work harder and also offer some favours in exchange. She is happy that her son is progressing well at school. She has no secrets and she is not ashamed of her life. Her days of self pity are over. She is officially an outcast in the village, but women in their suffering come to her secretly to borrow money or to just cry on her shoulders. Her son is the center of her universe now but she seems to know that she will end up lonely. She does not expect her son to acknowledge her struggles or even understand her. A stray tear appears when she thinks that he might even turn against her and call her a whore. She is preparing to face the world as a lonely old woman. Her wisdom comes as a shock through her bubbly, youthful, girlish charm. She laughs liberally and it is infectious.
I hope, for Ponni's sake that her son has grown up to be supportive and understanding.

Amina worked hard to make ends meet while her husband came home drunk and beat her up. She decided to educate her two girls so that they can have a liberated life. The girls started going to school and she face opposition from men and women folk alike. Her husband had more reasons to beat her up - she was training her girls to bring shame to the family. The girls were threatened and were on house arrest. Amina was not one to give up. She found help in the form of a volunteer who came home to teach the girls. The girls would give their exams when they are ready. Amina is not sure if the girls would be allowed to work, but she believes that the education will liberate them, make them independent in thought and they will be ready when an opportunity presents itself. If none of these happen, they would still understand the value of education and pass it on to the next generation - maybe her grand daughters would be the real independent women that she so wants to be. But Amina knows that she has sown the seeds and it will bear fruit some day and that day is not far.

I so want to meet these women now - it has been 10 years. I want to believe that they are still going strong and are proud of their achievements.

African Bush Tea

.. was sipping African Bush Tea and thinking about Mma Ramotswe.

She is one of the characters that I've grown to like in recent years. I specifically remembered the part where Mma Makutsi one fine morning decides to brew the regular tea instead of the ususal bush tea. It is an awkward moment between the women where Mma Makutsi doesn't want to hurt her benevolent boss and Mma Ramotswe is a bit embarrassed when she realises that she has never bothered to find out if everyone else was ok with bush tea.

Anyway, I really liked bush tea (at least if that would put me in the league of Mma Ramotswe). For those who would like to try - it is available in the Twinings brand. In Chennai you should find it in Nuts & Spices and Brown Tree chains.

While on the subject of inspiring women, have you participated in Feminspiration at Womensweb yet? Contest on till 16th March and some nice goodies too... check it out.

Attacked by the Green Eyed Monster

We were at a restaurant and Pattu was staring for a long time at a girl at the next table who seemed just a bit older than Pattu. While I was wondering about that, Pattu turns to me and asks, "Amma, isn't pink my favourite colour?". Still confused, I agreed and Pattu says with a frown on her face, "..then why is she wearing it!"

*****Stumped*****
It starts this early!!??!!

And this is also the first time I'm sensing 'envy' in Pattu's reactions...

Btw, Happy Women's Day to every one of you out there!!

Vanity - Part II

Pattu's school has exams and they also give a report card at the end of it. I generally boycott this system by not acknowledging the time table and not 'preparing' Pattu to face the exams. She goes to school like any other normal day. After her drawing and colouring exam:

Amma: What did you draw today?
Pattu: A hill and an ant on top of the hill
Amma: (Who has her doubts since she's never ever seen Pattu draw anything like that before) Did you colour?
Pattu: Yes amma... I coloured beauuuuifully... so verrrry beaauuutifully amma
Amma: (with heightened suspicion) within the borders?
Pattu: Yes amma... only little bit...juuusssst a little bit went outside the border..

The report card arrives and madam has a 'D' for drawing and colouring!

Nenappu thaan pozhappa kedukkumaam! So much for all the claim...